Russell Brand

Russell Brand, comedian, columnist, actor, author, radio/TV presenter and self-confessed narcissist, who once claimed – not entirely jokingly, one suspects – that he has never knowingly Googled anything other than his own name, is reading out an article.

Needless to say, the article is about Russell Brand. It was published in the Daily Mail after he presented the US MTV Video Music Awards last month – a controversial performance which he kicked off by suggesting that viewers vote for Barack Obama, arguing that although Americans were evidently open-minded, since they had permitted “that retarded cowboy fella” to run the world’s only superpower, it might be an idea to “let someone else have a go”.

“Late nights at his rented house in Hollywood have seen the British comic slumped in front of the television, flicking channels…”

“How would anybody know?” exclaims the former Time Out comedian of the year, splayed across an armchair in his agents’ office in North London. “Anyway, our television don’t work!”

“His trademark tumbleweed hair flat and lank and his kohl-rimmed eyes smudged and puffy…”

“God, it’s written like a novel! And I don’t wear eye make-up watching telly!”

“The flamboyant 33-year-old presenter-turned-actor is feeling the pressure over his latest disastrous attempt to conquer America…”

“Disastrous? I’ve got five films coming up and a comedy special with Comedy Central!”

“His team of handlers have had to launch a damage-limitation operation after his crude performance made him America’s Public Enemy No 1…”

He flicks the cutting, which I had handed to him, on to the table, next to the two cardboard tubs of food ferried in after he instructed the office receptionist to “tell Tom I’m hungry”. As is his habit with requests issued to the agents, assistants and stylists who hover around him, he had prefaced it with a compliment: “Gosh, I do like your hair.” He shovels a large plastic forkful of gluten-free, quinoa-based gunk into his mouth before continuing.

“You know what, I read that article when it came out – because I’m so deeply narcissistic – and I thought: ‘Do you want to calm down?‘”...

Read atTimes Online