Phenotypology

Friday afternoon at The Times. People tapping at keyboards. The whiff of freshly consumed fish and chips hovering over the newsroom. And, somewhat unexpectedly, a Latvian business consultant called Maris Belte massaging my scalp, while remarking: “It is clear you are hypersexual. For you, both are very important – quality and quantity! Hahahaha!”

He turns and looks me straight in the eye. “Good thing you careful and do not do silly things, eh?” Both the voice and accent are reminiscent of Borat Sagdiyev. “You see, ears represent genetic intellect and yours quite big. Also your nose not too massive, which good. But you have problem: you see things in black and white. You cannot see the greys . . .”

I am allowing Belte to subject me to this character assassination in the name of “phenotypology”, a new technique that claims to enable people to assess personalities according to facial characteristics…

Read atTimes Online