Why do Asians Hate Dogs?

North London, I can report, having moved there recently, is fantastic. Whereas my journey home to Brixton used to involve dodging police cordons and crack-addicted prostitutes offering fellatio, the only obstacles in NW3 are deli workers dishing out free focaccia. There’s only one problem: Jessie.

Jessie is a Border collie. My housemate’s dog. And the problem with dogs is that they bark, dribble, insist on being walked, smell, eat the Rufus Wainwright albums you order through the post and try to copulate with everything, even if it’s 100 times or a tenth of their own size. Not even Calum Best does that.

And after two months, Jessie and I remain distant. He still barks whenever I enter the house and in return, except for the times I’m tripping over him, I ignore him. However, this arrangement was disrupted the other week when a production company suggested that I present a short documentary for Channel 4 on the question: Why do Asians Hate Dogs?...

Read atTimes Online